"I've Never Been to Me," by Charlene

This one enters the blog from Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs. It also has a spoken interlude. Bonus! 

I'm lazy tonight as I get caught up on these entries. Direct from Wikipedia:

The song is best known as lyrically formatted for a female vocalist and as such is addressed to a desperate wife and mother who would like to trade her prosaic existence for the jet setting lifestyle the song's narrator has led. The narrator alludes to various hedonistic episodes in her life, concluding that while she's "been to paradise," she's ultimately failed to find self-fulfillment expressing this with the line, "I've never been to me." There is also an alternative set of lyrics for the song formatted for a male singer, in which the narrator is an elderly man, destined to die the very next day, begging for a dime for a cup of coffee, addressing a younger man who is "raising hell" the way the old man used to do.

Yikes. Also, I don't know of too many other songs that have the line "subtle whoring."

The spoken portion:

Hey, you know what paradise is? It's a lie. A fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be. But you know what truth is? It's that little baby you're holding, and it's that man you fought with this morning, the same one you're going to make love with tonight. That's truth, that's love.

"Still," by 'Whisperin' Bill' Anderson

Like many of the old country tunes, I became acquainted with this one listening to K106 (KKWS Wadena-Brainerd-Park Rapids) when I was growing up. Here's another song with spoken interludes, this one a two-for-one deal: 'Whisperin' Bill' Anderson's "Still." A 1963 country tune about unrequited love, so much so that his life is falling apart...sad. So very sad.

Interlude 1:I've lost count of the hours and I've lost track of the days. In fact, I've lost just about everything since you went away. Everything, that is, except the mem'ries you left me. And that's one thing that no one can mar. I don't know who you're with; I don't even know where you've gone. My only hope is that some day you might hear this song and you'll know that I wrote it especially for you. And I love you, wherever you are.

Interlude 2:This flame in my heart is like an eternal fire, for every day it burns hotter and every day it burns higher. And I haven't been able to put out one little flicker, not even with all of these tears. My friends think I'm crazy and maybe I am. But I'll carry this torch just as long as I can, for some day, you might just decide to come home and I want you to know I'm still here.